1 Year Memorial of Melanies Healing February 24, 2009

Melanie Bethelle Miller

Melanie before first surgery

I want to convey a big thank you to all of our family and  friends who have stood by us and held us up over the last year and a half. Over the time of Mel’s last days and funeral, there was a sense of numbness that crept in to our souls. The planning and different gatherings of friends and family helped to mask the stark reality of her being gone from us. I remember coming home after the funeral thinking, ” life will never be the same”, how true that was. I had to think of many people we know personally and some we only heard about that have gone through similar experiences, so we continue to count our blessings for the “fellowship of suffering”. One Sunday morning Lori was paging through her Bible and found this note, ” mom can I PLEASE go to Rachel’s house after church” Melanie. I went out to the barn soon after the funeral and noticed some old metal school desks filled with crayons, coloring books, and miscellaneous school related papers, some had Mel’s handwriting saying “good job” with a sticker at the top of the page. She loved to play school and be the teacher. If she only knew then what lessons she was about to teach all of us… I’ll never forget the night after Lauren & Joelle’s party with an NG tube in her nose singing, ” Praise You In This Storm”,~~ the essence of faith is signing the bottom of a contract with God and letting Him fill in the terms. We’d like to think we can chart our own course but so much is out of our control. Melanie taught me to think about others in spite of my own self-interest. She would often apologize to us or the nurses for wiggling in pain when we dressed her bandages. I well remember Melanie’s last evening surrounded by loved ones. The next morning around 11:15 a.m. we were all there near her hospital bed when someone said,” why don’t we put on some music?” One of Mel’s favorite CD’s entitled “In His Presence” was put on which is a group of 4 young ladies, but the first  song skipped so we forwarded to the next track,  which played flawlessly but by the third song Mel’s breathing changed a little. Halfway through that third song Mel took her last breath at 11:30 a.m. February 24, 2008. Even at this writing the freshness of the grief is a bit overwhelming. Our Church services were just coming to a close when word was received. I’m told a reverent hush fell over the congregation as the announcement was presented, then met with quiet weeping.  The words to the song are posted below,  I think it is very significant that Melanie left this earthly realm during this particular song. When you read the words I think you’ll agree that this was a special gift from God.

(written by Phill McHugh)

Lord of All, of the heights

Where faith can lift the trusting heart

Lord of all, of the depths

Where fear would tear such faith apart

Lord of all, of the nations

Quick to anger, bearing arms

Lord of all, of each child

Held by it’s mother safe from harm

CHORUS:

Lord of All

Of all seen and unseen things

Of the universe that sings

And calls you Lord of all

Lord of all

Of the power not to sin

You have always been

And always will be

Lord of all

Lord of all, of a peace

That we can draw with every breath

Lord of all, of provision

For each need in life and death

Lord of all, of the turnings

Of the seasons and the earth

Lord of all, of the love

That purchased man a second birth

Lord of All

Of all seen and unseen things

Of the universe that sings

And calls you Lord of all

Lord of all

Of the power not to sin

You have always been

And always will be

Lord of all

I won’t soon forget the outpouring of love from family and friends the next few days which have continued even to now. I can recall as we were sitting at the graveside the skies were looking unsettled with a mixture of dark clouds, gray clouds, and sunshine, a few snowflakes wafted in over Melanie’s casket. After the graveside service, balloons were made available for release, and the children really seemed to want to be involved in that as well as some adults.

We would like to thank our family and friends for their unwavering support. Many meals were brought in over the time of Mel’s illness, many, many sacrifices were made on our behalf. We would also like to thank A.I. DuPont Children’s Hospital, the caring doctors, nurses, social workers, Child life activity coordinators, and staff are second to none. These wonderful folks get close to patients through their interaction and their hearts ache when things don’t go as hoped. Last, but not least we want to thank our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who makes it possible for us to live eternally with Him. He is the only path to God through His shed blood.

I remember when Melanie was around 9 or 10 years old, one night after bedtime, Melanie came downstairs crying~~ I asked her  what was wrong…. she said that she didn’t want to go to hell. It was obvious to me that God in His mercy was clearing the way for Mel’s safe passage into the loving arms of her Savior. I explained to her that Jesus took the punishment that she deserved, and if she cries out to Jesus in repentance, trusts Jesus for salvation, and receives the gift of the Holy Spirit, she will be saved from spiritual death. I’m reminded of Jesus’ own words, “except ye be converted and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” The very reason we have hope is, we have not seen the last of Melanie; yes, we are grieving our loss, but we are rejoicing in the fact that we will see her again with a new body. Someone said ” religion is man’s attempt to find God,” and sometimes man with a finite mind can get it so totally wrong. We think that it has to be complicated to be relevant. We read thr0ugh the pages of scripture that ” God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” but because God is not interested in robotic subjects, He gave the human race a free will to choose between good and evil. God does not “send” anyone to hell, we choose hell by rejection of the free gift of salvation. God does not force us to choose Him. Jesus said,”I am the way the truth and the life, no man comes to the Father but by me.” As a family we urge you to choose Jesus, His sacrificial death paid the penalty for our sin. The alternative, according to the scriptures, is eternal death. We have a lot of comfort in knowing that Melanie chose Jesus.

Below are some random pictures of Mel’s funeral.

Hand imprints, Beads of courage

Getting ready for balloon release

There they go!

Hope you enjoyed that Mel

Christmas 07

Christmas 08

Slideshow Memorial.

The following link will take you to a slide show that includes many pictures of Melanie. A big highlight is where she is heard singing the song “Gone!”. The lyrics for the song are found below. It is very likely that a better version of this slide show will be produced soon.

Rob for the family.

Click here> Slide Show

Verse 1
Mary came unto the tomb of Jesus,
The stone was moved, He had gone away,
The angle said “Fear not I know whom seek ye,
for He has risen’ This she heard him say…

Chorus:
Gone the stone is rolled back, Gone the tomb is empty,
Gone to sit at the Fathers side, Gone over death triumphant,
Gone sin is defeated, Gone He lives forever more

Verse 2
Oh come with me and see this risen Savior,
Who can still turn the dark of death today,
He can calm the storms of doubt and part the oceans,
And He can still roll your heavy stone away

(Repeat Chorus)

Tag:
Gone (over death triumphant) Gone (sin is defeated) Gone He lives forever more.

My Week Without Melanie.

I really debated whether I should write–in so many ways it seems
selfish to “bother” people with the beginning of a new journey–and
yet many ask, read, write, or call really wanting to know how things
are going–so I suppose I may update from time to time. Life goes on
for everyone–if you think life would stop without you, try getting
off for awhile–you’ll find it goes on. Marty preached on Sunday–it’s
been a long time since I’ve heard from him over the pulpit. It is hard
for him to just pick up and move on, as it is for the rest of our
family. I won’t speak for him–maybe he’ll do an update here and
there–
The past days have been filled with many good memories, and yet I
find myself trying to remember Mel before she was sick, as well as
after she was sick. She literally grew up in the hospital–not just
physically, but spiritually. I am so blessed to have had much time to
grow close to her during that time–she did not know how she
challenged me in my faith and in so many other areas–I am still
learning from her legacy of faith and prayer, and a quiet trust in a
Heavenly Father who knows best–in her struggle against cancer, she
had a very strong desire to live, with a faith that held on like a
“junkyard dog”–so I know in my heart of hearts that it was not her
lack of faith that took her from us, but a much higher purpose. I will
never forget at the hospital at Christmas time one night, she was
praying with much tears very specifically for those she did not think
were ready to go to Heaven–then I came across her 2007 journal with
about 3 days of entries–again asking God very clearly to speak to
those she wants to see in Heaven–I know last Friday, Heaven rejoiced
when a little boy asked Jesus to come into his heart–then I
wondered–did Melanie rejoice too?
We talk about Mel a lot here at home and remember so many
memories–I told Cameron that I missed her so much–he said, “who
doesn’t?” Jana is having a hard time adjusting to life without Mel and
with her Mommy–we have homeschooled some days, and other days we go
in together so I can help out with our school’s annual
Convention–mainly in the music dept. Lauren has chosen for a solo a
song about Heaven called “Look for Me”, and Joelle is looking at one
for a solo called “Wish You Were Here” also a song about Heaven–it is
hard to hear the songs without thinking about Melanie and what she is
enjoying–This would have been Mel’s first year–the girls were really
looking forward to competing as a trio–sometimes it doesn’t seem fair
that all her talent and gifts are gone, that we will never– down
here– be able to hear or see them–then I seem to hear something tell
me that her rewards are now eternal–those that will be in Heaven
because of her faith, far outweighs what she could have done down here
for the temporary–this I know in my head–sometimes it takes my heart
awhile to catch up– Marty found another song on the “work station” of
Mel singing a song doing all three parts–I am hoping he’ll decide to
compile the collections and make a CD–
Tomorrow marks the day that we left in 2007 for our first family
vacation to Florida–I remember at the time feeling so very guilty for
pulling the kids out of school–in between convention and Bible
quizzing–to go off and just plain relax and enjoy a time away from
home with the family–I would not trade that time together for
anything–many dollars were spent on things that some would probably
consider a “waste”–but now I can look back and am so very grateful
that we took that opportunity to quietly pull away from a very busy
schedule to enjoy family time–I have had a hard time trying to get
back on this fast track called “life”–it has made me so much more
protective of evenings at home, and just being at home instead of
running here and there–we immensely enjoy interacting with people
which makes it even harder to make time for “alone time”–
Some time very soon I want to attempt to write a tribute to this
wonderful facility called A.I. duPont Hospital–we are so grateful for
the people that we have crossed paths with –also  Nemours Pediatrics
in Dover, the endoscopy suite at Bayhealth in Dover, and their day
surgery, Delaware Hospice, and Pippin Funeral Home–I also have quite
a list of thank-yous that I hope to personally write–my biggest fear
is that someone’s name was not written down, so they might get
missed–We have been so blessed by so many people, that again if you
are reading this, we thank-you each personally for the way that you
have contributed to the lives of our family–even to those who have
sent cards, and are still sending them, who we have never met–you
will never know how we have been encouraged by “strangers” who simply
took the time and a stamp to reach out to our family–we ask for God
to bless you–With love, Lori

Remembering Melanie–from Mom

I knew that sometime soon I wanted to sit down to write some
memories about Melanie from a Mom’s heart–after the time of “open
mic” at the funeral, so many memories were shared with us that are
very special to us–if you have the time, we would love to hear from
those of you that wished you had shared–
It is hard to believe over a week has gone past since Mel is
gone–yesterday I went to her school to put some things in her office
there, and to share cake with her classmates–it is a numb sort of
feeling that part of me still feels like she is maybe in school or
just in another room–and will soon come bounding down the stairs or
will watch her carry Jana upstairs piggy-back with a pile of books for
night time reading, or maybe even look out into the back yard to see
her jumping on the trampoline–today our house is quiet–everyone is
back to their “normal”–
I catch a glance at a picture of our children and try to imagine one
is missing–a part of me cries out in disbelief, wondering when this
dream will end. I hear her singing about death being defeated and
being triumphant over death–and somehow I know and hang onto every
promise that I have of Heaven and knowing beyond all doubt that I will
one day really see her again–I know she wants us where she is,
although in my selfishness I want her back–yet I would never dream of
asking her to leave the place she has moved into–I cannot imagine
what she saw Sunday morning, as she was dying. She would open her eyes
wide then close them again–her pupils were very big–we can only
wonder what was so beautiful–
Death is so final, and yet in my human-ness I want to talk to you
just one more time–I need to know that the transition was OK–that
you have found the Man of your dreams–my mother heart needs to make
sure you have found everything you need–then in the back of my mind I
can hear you reminding me as you often did–”I’ll be fine, Mom” “We
just have to trust the Lord”–I know Melanie that really you will be
“more fine” than we can imagine–Would I have done things differently
if I had known you were given to us for only 13 years? Probably–but I
will not dwell on the what ifs–I want to remember the life lessons
you helped me to learn–
You were the “observer”–watching everything as it happened, but yet
never being afraid to try something new–the octopus at the chinese
buffet, hard piano pieces, diving at Messer’s pool, Mrs. Beachy’s
suggesting that you journal and helping in her classroom, more pen
pals( I lost track, maybe around 80), Balderdash & Apples to Apples,
that purple broom from Byler’s that would make you want to sweep the
floor everyday, helping Daddy perfect the crabbing trot line, your
guinea pig Mo, that homemade blue jumper made without a pattern,
peroxide in your hair, long nails that you stopped biting, operating
Melanie’s summer school for Katlin, Graham, Luke, & Jana, money
envelopes started for a new project you thought we needed, composing
songs & poetry–the list is endless.
That new house you dreamed of down here–well I cannot imagine our
plans come close to what you have now–and the greatest gift in the
world that you have given to us is to know that we will meet you there
and that you were ready to leave us when you did–my greatest desire
is that we will all be together for eternity–and that will be
final–nothing will ever separate us again–
As the flowers wilt, and the cards stop coming–my memories will go
on. Not a day will pass that we will not feel the empty chair at the
table, or the silent piano keys. I am forever grateful for the
precious gift of life that God gave to you to enrich our family and
give us a perspective on Heaven and death–and to always believe that
my questions will someday have answers–when we can finally see the
people that are going to spend their lives in Heaven because of your
faith and courage–I am not promised tomorrow, so I will live today
like it is my last–my small problems seem so silly in light of what
is in store for me, knowing that you have gone ahead of me to spur me
on and have given me another reason to live for Heaven–
I will keep reading to Jana every night about Heaven–she misses her
“bed-buddy” so much–it will be so different without you, but until we
see you again–Goodnight, Mel–I’ll see you in the morning–
With much love and tears, Mom

The Future Of This Blog.

This is Rob doing a guest post:

Its hard to believe its been a week since Mel’s home going. During the viewing and funeral a number of people asked what would become of this blog. In talking to Martin, he mentioned that he would like to keep it going. We realize how many of you faithfully kept up with their recent trial on this blog. Your prayers, interest, and support, have been invaluable! These prayers need to continue as the “waves of grief” continue. Hopefully the healing of time will cause these waves to be less intense. No, the family will never quite be the same again. My prayer is that they will become stronger and more determined than ever to follow the leading of their Saviour. I have no reason to doubt they will do just that!
One of the things I am working on is getting a video together of the slide show that was played during the funeral and viewing. I hope to make it available on youtube and post a link to it on this blog.

Rob for the family.

From Daddy To Mel.

Tonight I find it difficult to sleep, so I am putting my thoughts out
there maybe as some sort of therapy. What more could be said than I
miss our Mel. I miss her always wanting to say “goodnite, love you,
see you in the morning”, yes my sweet Mel, we will see you in that
eternal morning where pain, sickness, or grief will not be. Though it
doesn’t seem fair for you to go, it would be selfish of us to wish
that you could stay in the pain you experienced. We love you Mel and
look forward to a wonderful reunion. I wonder if you can see us or if
you can see Mee Maw or Mom Mom Spry or if you are occupying your new
mansion that Jesus has prepared especially for you. You have made our
lives richer and you have taught us so much about staying the course
in spite of obstacles. Melanie, we will never forget your concern for
others in spite of your own pain. You have won the ultimate prize, a
crown of eternal life, we will be along, but in the meantime, we will
weep, not for what you have gained, but for what we have lost for a
time. I will miss your smile, your hugs, your singing, your piano
playing, your laughter, your love of holidays, going out to eat just
you and me ending up at Walmart to pick out your birthday gift,
getting up early to go crabbing, packing sandwiches and coffee to go
hunting, taking sips out of my coffee, not having your hair combed,
helping me with the lima beans in the garden, walking back to Gramma
and Grandpas to fish, going for atv rides, having a bonfire in the
summer, snuggling up close before bedtime, hearing your beautiful
voice fill our home, teaching Jana and Cameron to make omelets, baking
cookies especially at Christmas time, going to Ronnie’s Market to see
the trains and Christmas decorations, going out to the barn to see
your desks set up to play school, watching you in the school plays and
cantatas, seeing your encouraging notes, being funny at the table,
decorating your room with polka dots, reporting injustices, being with
your friends, your laughter, your zest for life, I could go on and on.
You have grown up right before our very eyes, and we plan to hang on
to the richness of the wonderful memories and joy that you have
brought into our lives. Hugs and kisses sent ahead, Daddy
loves you and misses you.

A Suggestion Regarding the Viewing.

For those planning to attend Melanie’s viewing, it has been suggested that at many people as possible should try to go to the earlier viewing tomorrow instead of the later one. The concern would be the amount of people likely to come during the evening viewing.
Mel’s obituary can be accessed here>   NewszapDE

Thanks, Rob for the family.

Remembering Melanie.

This is Rob.

Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words of consolation and concern for the family. All of you have contributed so much in helping to bear their burden and loss. As they move through the grieving process, your prayers will continue to be very much needed.
Now begins the time of remembering Melanie. Going through many pictures through the past few years, I found a few I would like to post here. A slide show DVD is being prepared and will likely be displayed during the viewing and/or funeral.
If any of you would prefer to send cards through the mail, please follow the link on the right margin of this page under “Links” that says “Mailing Address”.
More pics will likely be added to these or in a separate post.

The family. taken in ‘04 (Mel in the back row all the way on right)

With cousin Conrad…

With cousin Casey.

With great grandmother Spry.

With mom-mom..

Go Mel! He will never catch you!

Melanie has been healed. Updated 8:00 p.m.

Update 9:00 p.m.>Those wishing to mail their condolences click here for address
~Ben

We don’t know what to say but thought we should tell all of you that
Melanie took her last breath this morning around 11:30. Seconds after
her breathing stopped, I looked into her eyes and saw a peaceful look
of release from pain and suffering. We believe that she was waiting
for a new adventure, one that has taken her far past all the trappings
we feel here. Once when we were coming home from the hospital, we were
looking at a very nice house when she made this comment, “My mansion
is gonna be nicer than that!”–Her wishes for a bigger house than what
we have here, have finally come true–she is probably arranging things
now–Above all, it is with tremendous gratitude that we have
absolutely no question where she is right now, a reassuring feeling to
know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was ready to meet her Jesus,
and still for the past 8 months has taught us how to really live–our
home will never be the same, many wonderful memories which continue to
cause many tears–it still feels like a dream, and yet I know that one
day I will be able to see her again, hold her in my arms, and hear her
sing and play the piano, watch her run with a new body–eyebrows,
eyelashes, and brand new hair–may I never forget the gift God has
graced our home with for 13 years–may I learn the life lessons Mel
will continue to teach me—

Marty Lori & family
Arrangements are pretty certain—Viewing at Central Mennonite Church,
220 West Denneys Road, Dover, DE
Tuesday, February
26 2 – 4 pm, 6 – 9 pm
–Funeral services
will be at Calvary Baptist Church, Forrest Avenue ( Route 8 )
Wednesday,
February 27 11:00 am with a viewing one hour prior to the service

Burial will be at Central Mennonite Church

Sunday Morning.

We stayed with Mel and the family over night. Mel’s breathing continues to be rather labored and sometimes shallow. She continues on oxygen and her urine output is very minimal. We really don’t expect her to hold on too much longer. Thanks so much for your interest and continued prayer support. I really believe it is helping to carry the family through this most difficult time.
Rob for the family.

Macy (the family dog) loyally lays at Mel’s feet…